I can feel myself on the brink.
I know it's there, I feel it.
But then it stops.

I don't know if it's tiredness.
I don't know if it's because Mom is so distraught. I don't know if it's because she told me that her eyes turned blue.

She wants us there. She's expecting us to be there tomorrow.
Is she waiting for us?
Will we make it in time?
What will we be walking into?

Was there anything more that could have been done before all of this?

Is Mom going to be strong enough to move forward after all of this is said and done?
Will any of us?

Have I even had the time to grieve "properly" since my last loss?

What is my lesson here, Lord?
What is my role in all of this?
What part of me will be missing this time around?

My only comfort
Comes in knowing where she will be going
That she will be at peace
She will see those who have missed her
She will see her Mother

But I don't know if that makes it hurt any less

Though I am merely numb right now

Numb but on the brink

It's late
But I'm up
Looking for something
Looking for anything
A reason
A cry for help
A thought
Something
Anything
I'm so tired
But I'm so hurt
Cause you're gone
And I can't understand why
What was it
Who was it
And why couldn't you just say something
A text
A call
A talk
I knew something was wrong
I just didn't know what
And the shock numbs me
And the loss hurts more
There's an ache
There's an emptiness
There's an anger
My friend is gone
And I don't know if I'll ever see him again
I pray I do
But right now
You're gone
And it's late
But I'm up
Cause you're gone

My Wishlist

In order of which I have thought of. 

Links provided.

No descriptions needed. 

Contributions always welcomed.

I love you.

1.
Ziiiro Celeste Black Men's Watch

2.
DigiTech JamMan Solo XT - Stompbox Looper

3.
Line 6 Spider IV 75 75W 1x12 Guitar Combo Amp

4.
Converse Gift Card

5.
Playstation 4 Batman Bundle

6.
Super Mario Bros. 8-Bit Character T-Shirt

7.
Funky Socks

8.
Mens Skinny Tie Bundle

9.
2-Slice Bread, Egg & Muffin Toaster

10.
Cole Haan Zerogrand No Stitch Oxford, Black

Detachment + Complacence + Annoyance

That feeling of wanting to lock myself away for a while is back. 
I'm tired. Kind of annoyed. I feel like too much is being asked of me. 
Then I feel like not enough of me is being asked of me. 
Is it a Cancer thing? 
Maybe it's the cold. Maybe it's this gas. 
I just don't feel like being bothered. 
I feel like I'm always going overboard to help others. Or just to keep in touch. Or just to start a conversation.

Social media makes it way too easy to see how someone's doing without actually asking them how they are yourself.

I'm also just tired of the unspoken.
The pretend.

The things unsaid out of fear.

Maybe it's time to put the pen to the paper again.






Time to say what I shouldn't.

Cintron Movie Review: Chef (2014)

It's been a while since I've seen a film that feels like life; imperfect, often conflicted, sometimes plain sh*tty, yet still manages to be pretty amazing overall. Something that reminds us that life isn't always the flaming shipwreck that we think it is. This honest, funny, and emotional film, written, directed, and starring Jon Favreau, does just that.

The story is simple enough: A once well-respected chef at a popular restaurant is hitting his all time low, both professionally and personally. Coming off the heels of a divorce with his wife, and a growing estranged relationship with his young Son, his boss won't allow him to stray off the beaten path at work; being forced to create the same tired menu selections nightly. When a wildly popular food blogger bashes him with a negative review via Twitter, it affects him and his staff so much so, that (with the help of his Son) the chef himself opens a Twitter account of his own, and snaps back at the blogger, challenging him to return to the restaurant in the premise that he'll have a brand new menu waiting for him. Sadly enough, the boss gets in the way yet again, forcing the chef to sacrifice quality of food over quantity of guests. Chef has enough of it, and quits on the spot. His staff is shocked, and he is at a cross roads. This leads him to what will ultimately become the best decision he has ever made.

I can best describe this film much like an experience at your favorite restaurant: tasty, fulfilling, familiar, delightful, and has something for everyone. The film's four-course-meal is tied together with a fun, funny, and oftentimes raw storyline & dialogue. From the film's soundtrack, to the visually enticing scenes of various dishes being prepared (SPOLIER ALERT: If the grilled cheese sandwich scene doesn't leave you salivating by the end of it, then you're not human. Or you're lactose intolerant.), to the star-studded-yet-always-with-a-purpose cast of actors, the film will leave you more than satisfied by the time the credits roll. 

Bottom line:
If you're a fan of food, good acting, funny & "real" dialogue, films with heart, films that inspire, see it.

5 Things

 5. It's time to let sh*tty people in my life go. Negativity isn't something that we can always control, but we can control who we keep in our lives if they're always negative.

4. I'm about 85% sure that Darryl is eating it in the Season Finale this Sunday. He's been away from the group, hanging out way too much with Erin (sp?), and Norman Reedus has got a lot going on outside of The Dead lately. If it isn't him, it's either Maggie or Carol. Prepare yourselves.

3. This whole "call people out on BS  and not always be the nice guy" resolution thing has made me feel a lot better about myself in general. After all, why should I expect anything less from the people I care about, than what I give?

2. I need new ear phones. Or buds. Suggestions?

1. Hopefully this will be the Summer of my first EP. I'm dying to shake off the rust and get back behind the mic.

I know those thoughts

They dance around your head

They sit on the edge of your tongue

They creep up to your lips

You press them tightly

In the fear that they may spill up

Spill out

Spill over

For one spill in

[Perhaps twice]

It could

[came close]

It won't

It can't

[will not say]

[cannot say]

[you won't]

[but I know]