Holding Me Back

I really feel like so much has been going on for me personally that I've not been able to keep track of any of it, or even fully appreciate it. Things haven't been flawless. They never really are. This is an imperfect world, after all. But I've got my health, I've got a roof over my head, I've got a good job, I've got a love that has and is strengthening with every hurdle we come across, my closest family and friends are with me, and it's all in no small part thanks to my Lord & savior, whom I often forget to thank & praise. 

That being said...

I still feel that need to create. There's still that part of me that is not satisfied with where I am career-wise. It itches at me everyday. Some days more than others. But it's often held back. Mostly just because of me. I hold me back. I know I've got something. I just don't always know what to do with it. Where to start. Who to share it with. Who to trust it with. Who to ask about it. When the right time is to go for it. When the wrong time is. If the time has passed, or if it's yet to come, and if it does, will it be that storied thing that someone strives and fights for so long to achieve, only to find that it wasn't all that worth it to sacrifice or struggle for in the first place. Guess I won't know till I try.

Words.

Not empty. Not full. Not filled. Not certain. Lazy. Retracting. Retracing. Reliving. Dreaming. Praying. Itching. Spending. Worrying. Concerning. Lying down. Cold, but not cold. Detached, still not cold. Something wrong. Something simple. Something stupid. Something sudden. Something expected. Almost. Resting. Tired, yet. Tired yet? Breathing. Believing. Always. Afraid of explosions. No standoffs. Happens anyway. Too many questions. Too much of the same. Not enough. Counting. Killing. Consumables. Miss eating. Miss tasting. Miss quiet. Miss music. Miss making. Misnomer. Misinterpret. Mispell. Miss the point. Withdrawn. Withheld. Within. My story. His story. Her story. History? Hurts to me. Least I think. Less I feel. Lest I kneel. Overwhelmed. Over budget. Over it. Trying to be. Vying. Reflection. Refraction. Direction. God help me.

What Does The Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman Case Have In Common With The 40 Year Old Virgin? Read On...

So most of us are probably completely over hearing, seeing, and reading about it, but I really wanted to share this, because there has been so much back & forth over the entire situation. In my opinion, this was a very refreshingly unexpected, yet very poignant & educated opinion that is very hard to ignore, from a very unexpected place nonetheless. As an entertainer, I think it's important for us to show that we're not a bunch of mindless one trick ponies with no real contribution aside from our talents.

You can read the article here.

A Funk In The Air/The Irking

This past weekend ended with the beginning of...a funk. It all seemed to start late Friday/early Saturday, when I was on the train back home. I was in a textual conflict of sorts with my soon-to-be-not-so-far-away-from-home girlfriend. This then turned into a phone discussion (yes, discussion, not a fight). During that time, the train had been pretty packed with kids. Drunk kids. Loud kids. Half dressed kids. I had already moved once during the ride, as someone couldn't hold their liquor very well, and I was not about to stick around to find out what they had for lunch. More kids got on during my phone call, and conveniently sat in the seats in front of me. The girls were loud and arguing, mostly over absolutely nothing. I attempted to continue my phone convo, and did a fairly good job. But there was one moment that would pretty much set the tone for the rest of the weekend: The girl in the seat in front of me took it upon herself to reach back and feel the top of my head. Not the first time my head has garnered the attention of a girl, probably won't be the last. But it was the first time a complete stranger did it without my acknowledgement.
From there, I passed a car accident on the way back to the house during the cab ride back, which I would later find out on the news was a hit and run. The driver hit a phone pole and ended up leaving the other passengers behind. Thankfully, there were no deaths. Still really bad nevertheless. On Saturday, I slept in later than I normally do, and since then, it seems as though I haven't gotten enough sleep. Sunday should've been a lot more enjoyable than I experienced it, but I just felt exhausted throughout. I visited Brooklyn, had a great time with my extended family. But this day also didn't not have it's fair share of "?" moments. After having a great dinner at a local restaurant, we went to a diner for desert. We were having a good time laughing and goofing off, when suddenly I heard my friend yell "OH!", followed by the sound of something fall on the table. It was a beetle. Not just a small, minute beetle, but like an Animal Planet, ivory hued, hard shelled beetle. Not something that I've ever seen in Brooklyn. I grabbed a napkin and wrapped it up inside of it. I could feel it move in my grasp. My friend quickly put it out of it's misery. After leaving the diner, I waited in the car while my friends and their family did some talking outside. It was around this time that there was a lost dog running around, being chased by 2 girls. It was an unleashed Pomeranian. Again, not even a typical lost dog.
The funk hasn't really fully gone away, either. I'm not much for confrontation, but it would seem that whenever it happens, it's usually with people that matter. And I had one (confrontation, discussion, argument, what have you) yesterday. The bottom line of the entire scenario was regarding concern for my well being. I didn't mind any of that. But I think as most people would know, we tend to say things in the heat of the moment. Things that aren't exactly meant to comfort someone. Normally, I can take a shot or two. But there are few things in this world that irk me more than when a person is so convinced that they know they're right about something, that they have someone completely and totally figured out, that they underestimate the "criticizee's" ability. It wouldn't be the first time. Probably won't be the last. But this particular instance has me clearly irritated enough that I'm venting about the whole damn thing. I typically use these scenarios as fuel. That's the best way I get over it.

Things I Learned Over The Weekend

- I missed out on a lot of great games this year
- I haven't vegged out in forever, felt good and bad
- Being a hired gun musically has proven to be pretty interesting, and fun. Maybe I should pursue this as my full time job. Y'know, before the record deal hits.
- Customer Service. Don't really like it.
- I celebrated Puerto Rican day by doing what any true PRican does. I prayed to Jesus and ate food that tastes delicious but isn't really good for me.
- This being my first year following any sport, I had a lot of fun following the Knicks. That being said, I don't want my home away from home team to win it again this year. But heck, if they're gonna play like they want it, far be it from me to be a hater.
- I really want to make a conscious effort to start working out again. This extra NY food weight's gotta go bye bye.
- Women are beautiful. And that's a problem.
- I can't please everyone. But I can try.
- I also can't help those who ultimately can't help themselves. No matter how much I love them.
- Some people on facebook are waaaay to full of themselves for their own good. It's unattractive and unbecoming.
-It was a nice surprise to teach myself how to play one of my favorite songs on guitar so quickly. I may just have this be the first song I cover & put up on my youtube channel.
- Must do something fun in the city this weekend. It's been a while.

Cintron's Movie Review: Memorial Day Weekend Edition: Iron Man 3/Waiting/La Casa De Mi Padre

I've read enough movie reviews to know that critics are either going to completely praise, or completely bash a film. I'd like to think of myself as an "easy" critic; someone who will sit through most movies (albeit for better or worse) and can, for the most part, at least try to appreciate what the intent of the film was.
That being said, I intend on making my reviews fairly basic and understandable for those of us who do not have a thesaurus handy. So if you're looking for a review that highlights a painstaking recollection of a particular scene, focal point, or nuance, then look elsewhere. I'm just a quirky movie lover who wants to tell other quirky movie lovers if I liked a film or not. No critic's opinion should ever serve as doctrine. Take my reviews for what they are. But in the end, be your own critic.


I did see Iron Man 3 this weekend. Bottom line, if you've seen the first two films, and you've seen the Avengers, it's a foregone conclusion that you're going to see this one. Enjoy it for what it is: A well performed, big-budgeted, Summer action movie where the good guys win. I am a Robert Downey Jr. fan, and I've said from the get that he makes a perfect Tony Stark: confident (cocky?), sarcastic, witty, flawed, and enduring. Him, combined with a star-studded (wow, am I really using this overused term?) lineup of returning actors Gwyneth "Chris Martin is a blessed man" Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pierce, and a hilariously performed Ben Kingsley, make for an all-around good (not great) follow-up to Iron Man 2 & The Avengers (which I still haven't seen yet. Crap). Oh! & by the way. The now expected "post credit teaser to the next Marvel film" is nothing more than a quick exchange between Starks and a certain temper-challenged friend of his. It's not focal to the inevitable second Avengers film by any means, but it is a cute little nugget to the film nonetheless.

Iron Man 3 Trailer

Speaking of nuggets, you'll find some pretty...interesting nuggets on Netflix if you do enough searching around. I remember seeing the trailer for this film sometime last year, but had completely forgotten about it till I ran across it again last night. I won't lie: I pretty much loved this movie. If you consider yourself a fan of any of the following:
-Will Ferrell
-Napolean Dynamite/Nacho Libre
-Tarantino Films
-Oddball films
-Desperado/El Mariachi
-Movies That Don't Take Themselves Too Seriously
-Telenovelas
then you will most definitely enjoy this one as much as I did.
The story is essentially a spoof of a retro Spanish action flick, complete with a main villain, a damsel in distress, an unlikely hero, and a classic "revenge" storyline. Something that I must point out is that this, for all intents and purposes, is a Spanish film. As in, 99% of the dialogue is in Spanish. With subtitles provided. This includes Will Ferrell (Armando Alvarez), who is the film's protagonist. If subtitles aren't your thing, or you won't be able to get over the fact that Will Ferrell's enunciation of the Spanish language is better than most of your Hispanic friends or relatives, then do yourself a favor and avoid the film at all costs. For those of you who can overcome the aforementioned, you're in for a hilarious, odd, sexy, purposely cheesy, at times purposely low-budget, yet somehow ridiculously well produced, performed, & visually appealing experience.

Between these two films, I watched "Waiting", which is apparently a modern cult classic that's essentially "Office Space" but in a Friday's-esque restaurant. There aren't many films that are so unbearable that I can't make it through them, but I have to hand it to whomever decided that it would be a good idea to take the talents of performers like Justin Long, Ryan Reynolds, Luis Guzman, and Dane Cook, and completely make you forget why you even found them entertaining to begin with. Hopefully the payday was good enough to justify their agreeing to be a part of such a steaming pile of hot garbage. There are ways of making humor out of genitalia, hooking up with a co-worker, and getting back at an irate customer. This movie almost seems to intentionally avoid those ways. It's unfortunate really, seeing as how the trailer makes it look like so much fun.

Waiting Trailer



Bottom Line:
Iron Man 3 - See it
La Casa De Mi Padre - See It
Waiting - Skip It

Chance & Change: My Year Back In New York

2012 started off quietly enough for me. Still a "Kendalian" in Miami at the time, I found myself in the closest thing to an actual relationship in my entire life. I will admit however, that it was an experiment of sorts. I wanted to see how far I could push things. When all was said & done, ways were parted, emotions were left shaken, and lessons were learned. I can safely say that I now know the difference between infatuation & love, the latter being something that I'm not particularly sure I have fully experienced yet. I've become somewhat colder, rather, guarded, in that department. I know now not to throw everything out there (at least not at the very beginning), to play it a bit more on the safe side. I'm currently getting a feel for new people in my life, & keeping my expectations at a low simmer.
As if the breakup at the time wasn't enough for this sardonic little crab, I then found myself done with the company that I had worked 7 years for. I'm reminded of Lauryn Hill's lyrics "They fired me or I quit/however do you want it" regarding how it happened. What I do know is that there's never a good time to lose a job, but damn if there couldn't have been a worse time. For the next couple of months, I struggled to keep a very delicate balance between unemployment & a series of odd jobs. I became a kids' party host, to which my immediate supervisor was an 18 year old girl, and the manager being someone whom I spoke to over the phone (or rather, got assaulted via audio by his babbling nonsense for minutes upon minutes at a time), but never met in person, despite the fact that I had been to his "headquarters" (his house with his live in girlfriend [that being the said 18 y.o. supervisor, did I mention that he was 30 something & would have conversations with her over the phone, IN the same house?]) several times. Shady much? True story, bro.
Along with that, I also finally had time to become an extra with a talent agency that I had joined in 2011 but never had the time to take advantage of. I must say that it's pretty friggin cool to say that my very first project was a Suzy Orman ad & a clean 5 bills, not too shabby for someone who's last foray into acting was playing Dracula in the 5th grade (I had 7 wives at 10 years old. And what.). From there, I was blessed to get work on Burn Notice and The Glades.
Things were going pretty well as far as experiences went. But I was still hurting; financially, emotionally, creatively, spiritually. Prior to losing my job, I had booked a round trip to New York to visit my best friend at the time, as well as some old friends I hadn't seen in years. Among them was an old friend I knew since Kindergarten, and went to school with up until Junior High, but hadn't seen since. Through the magic of myspace (remember that site? I still have mine [shameless plug alert Myspace.com/embraceaudio], he had found me a few years ago. We messaged one another for a while, and he had mentioned if I was ever interested in coming back to NY, that he'd be able to hook me up with work. We dropped contact again for a bit, the big "Myspace to Facebook" shift occurred, and we found each other again. This time around, I was pretty much jobless, without a romantic attachment, and completely discontent with my scenery. At random, I shot him a message, asking him if he still had the pull to find me work, had I wanted to move back. Thankfully, he was, and we decided to meet up at some point during my trip. The day finally came, and we did some catching up. What I hadn't mentioned up to this point is that, the last time I had known him, his "life path", if you will, was not looking too good. He'd been hanging out with the wrong crowd, getting in trouble with teachers & other students, etc. Gone was this adolescent kid, and in his place was a structured, well spoken, responsible family man. This kind of change is something that doesn't happen overnight, and as I had expected, he had been through quite a bit. I was happy to see that he was in a much better place, and it was in no small part due to him becoming a Christian (I choose to tell the rest of that story in another entry, as I feel it would be too much to digest in tandem with everything else). To state it briefly, he had been through a whole lot; things that most others would not have made it through without someone watching over them.
I spent the better part of that day at his home, where I met his wife & kids. We discussed my situation; how I had been wanting to move back for the longest time, but due to circumstance, personal fears, and responsibilities, I never had the chance. Another major issue was having a place to stay. Much to my surprise, he offered me a room in his house to stay, so I could find work, get back on my feet, and eventually move the family over from Miami. It was pretty much an offer that I couldn't refuse (that just happened). Now I just needed time to prepare. So over the course of the next couple of months, I started to get ready. I got a part time job selling women's shoes just to keep the lights on till it was time for me to leave, this in combination with the odd-job party company. There was a large amount of worrying, wondering if this was going to be something I'd regret, but I went forward regardless. Regardless of the doubts I had, that my friends and family in Miami had, I went forward. I kept in contact with my friend, and the crazy idea of him flying down to Miami and driving with me to NY came up. At that point, I needed all the motivation I could get in order to leave, so I agreed. I also had my best friend at the time coming down to join us for the ride, so that definitely helped in the motivation department.
The day in July finally came, tears were shed, goodbye's were made, and we were off. Needless to say, I have no particular desire to ever want to make that drive again, unless absolutely necessary. But it wasn't all bad, there were some great memories made; a lot of "you had to be there" type moments.
Thanks to my friend, I myself became a Christian, and I landed a job at the 2012 US Open, where I made some business connections, and a few friends as well. I had nothing but a positive experience there, and I told them to keep me in mind for next year's tournament, and for anything else they knew of. I found myself unemployed once again, in debt, looking for work. I owed bills, with my car payments being at the forefront of my financial burdens. Thanks to my Cousin, I found front desk work at a doggy daycare place in the city - again, just to keep the lights on, because I most definitely did not have the most fantastic time there. During that time, I was contacted by someone at the World's Greatest Arena, aka The Garden, aka Madison Square Garden, for a job. An interview was scheduled, meaning I was that much closer to being done with the poopy job I was in. As fate might have it, Sandy hit. Thankfully, everyone in my household as well as my loved ones all over NY were safe. The biggest impact was the damage to my car, my friend's car, and pretty much all of the cars on that block, including the cars of my friend's Landlord, and the entire first floor of the house. Little did I know that the flooding in my car would serve as a blessing in disguise. I was informed that the rainwater mixed with the saltwater causes corrosion to all the metal in the car, thusly deeming it a "total loss". So most of the car was paid off from my finance & insurance company, translating into me not having to worry about a monthly bill that I practically couldn't afford to begin with. There was that period where getting around was practically impossible. Busses & trains were shut down due to all the reparations that would be needed over the next several weeks. That was probably the scariest thing to me. Having lived in Miami for so many years, I knew what it was like to experience a hurricane. But it's almost as if Florida is geographically built to withstand most of the impact. New York on the other hand, is most definitely not, and I hope & pray that we can somehow be better prepared in the future, though there's only so much we can do. Eventually transport started returning to normal, and an interview date was set.
Before I knew it, I landed the job, and was working at the Garden for the season. Since then, I've made more connections, both professionally and personally. The season has ended for now, and hopefully I will be called back. In the meantime, I'm back where I began nearly a year ago, working at the Open, with the same core group of great individuals that I worked with before. The familiarity is definitely a welcomed element, even though I have a brand new role this time around.
I feel like this entry has gone on long enough, and if you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Long story short, the blessings have not stopped coming for me. It hasn't been easy, and it may sound cliché, but believe me when I say that it is thanks in no small part due to the fact that I've given my life to my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ & kept my faith. Even now, I see many of my friends & family stressing over so much; letting fear, anxiety, and anger overtake them. If there's any one thing about me that has changed since getting saved, it's definitely been the amount of security, trust, and patience that I place in Him, that allows me to get through everything, no matter how minute or major. I truly hope & pray that this can be something that all of my loved ones come to know. Don't get me wrong - this does not by any means make me or my life perfect. I've struggled. I continue to struggle; with myself, with my beliefs, my lusts, and last but not least, my friends & family. But I pray. I always pray, and having experienced going from no job, an empty wallet, & a broken heart, to several new jobs, experiences, obtaining financial stability, having people in my life who care about me as much as I do them, and a blossoming relationship with a girl whom I come to appreciate more and more each day, it's been a great ride thus far. All the struggle was worth it. All the struggle is worth it.  
Earlier this past year, there was one single precursor to everything that was to come. It may have just been the spark that lit my fire, and it came to me from a place that I definitely did not expect, when I watched Sherri Sheperd get eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. Overcome with emotion, she said, "That thing that scares you the most, that makes you say, ‘I don’t know if I can do it, I’m scared — run towards it because it’s so amazing on the other side.”
Having made it to the other side myself, I can fully attest to that statement.

God Bless
-CC

An Introduction

It's taken long enough, but here I am. I have absolutely no clue as to who will read this, where it will go, who may and or may not be interested in anything that I have to say, nor can I say that I'm fully concerned about it either way. What I can say is that I will do my best to be as open and honest (for better or for worse) as I can with my entries. I hope you approach this blog with a sense of empathy and open-mindedness. I thank you from the bottom of my heart in advance for joining me for what is, at the very least, guaranteed to be an interesting ride.

Hearts Out, God Bless
-Chris