9.7.19: Never Ready

Here we are. Nine months in. Alive. Thankful. Discontent. A bit frantic. I can't tell which side of myself is winning in this inner struggle. Something changed after his passing. Then that something changed after my birthday.

I don't know why the hell I waited so long. I seem to have all of the answers, but continue to revisit the same questions. I became comfortable with the closest thing to "normal" I've ever been, might ever be, period. Why not just stay that way? Because it could all be over tomorrow. I don't think I've done nearly enough with what I was born with. Can't be that I have. I know I haven't. But that first step, man...that first step. Always the hardest for me.

But no excuses this time. I'm doing it. Ready or not. Never ready.