One Song

It's been on the shelf in my head for years, more than I had initially even thought. It was just after I was done with the band. A riff that never left me. A story about watching someone slowly lose who they are. Dark stuff. Can't help it. It's always been my strong suit. But it's catchy. It's dramatic. It's sad. But it's got energy. It's got a rhythm. It's me at my best so far. It's my most fleshed out work. Which is why it's always been the one I was going to work on next.
It cost me a lot. It's going to cost more. I want something to accompany it. Visuals to the story. Same as what I pictured before. It was always the plan. It marks both something important, and something important for me. The end of the hiatus. The start of the momentum shift. The thing everyone thought I gave up on. One of the only things that truly grabs hold of my attention. An obsession that matters. The gift I've been given. The something I want to share. The things I have to say. The need to do more. My piece. My personal deadline is November. Now, I pray.

"'Cause It's a Long Life. And Then It Isn't."

A line that stuck with me from this past season's Walking Dead, spoken (ironically enough) from a character named Jesus. 

I can't tell if this year has seen more death statistically than others. I just know that it damn sure seems a helluva lot more prominent. More intentional. More tragic. Today started with a massive fire, followed by a shooting. Correction: two shootings. It's starting to feel "normal". 

There's a numbness to the whole thing. There's always sympathy; followed by disappointment, then anger, then it's "move on". But there's also a sense of guilt. Then uncertainty. Then fear. "Why am I still here?" "Why are my loved ones?" "When will my time be up?" "Will it be during a tragedy like this?" 

But let's face it; until it happens to you, it hasn't really happened to you. I can only empathize & pray for those who've been affected directly. That, and not be part of the problem. In that realization, I'm doing less talking and putting forth more effort. It's probably why I haven't posted in a while. 

I've had to cut off more people. I'm finding my time to be more and more precious to me as I get older; meaning I refuse to spend it on those who refuse to mature. When I say that, I don't mean to have four hour conversations about politics. I mean socially, behaviourally, mature. I'm a giant child. Still plenty of room for improvement here. But I'd like to think that I know how to handle myself in most "standard" (and perhaps even many "non-standard") life situations. I can't tolerate jealousy. I can't make time for those who only focus on the negative. I've reached my limit with people who are a continual disappointment; a victim of their own self induced circumstance. People who question why I pursue the goals that I do, because they've given up on their own. Most prominently, I find myself having to withdraw from those who only really make time for me when it's convenient to them. I'm not about keeping tabs, but I've stuck my neck out & gone above and beyond for a few people who weren't there when I needed them. Maybe I've been ignoring the obvious and just chose to continue to give & work my time around theirs. Or maybe those truly close to me have pointed it out to me to the point where it's now unavoidably clear. Part of me wants to address the issue directly, but I feel that would do more harm than good. Perhaps in my absence they'll finally get the idea.

Cintron Foodie Review: Dō

Check my first foodie review for the currently crazed Dō in NY here!

Up

Cause nothing's happening
But something's coming

Up

Cause my insides bother
Cause my mind cannot rest

And my soul is redeemed
But my body does not care
Because my eyes have hunger
But my cupboard's bare

Cause people keep making mistakes
And I keep trying to help
When the reality of it all is
I should really just be helping myself

Up

Cause there's a million steps to take
And I've not taken one

Up

Cause I am only getting started
Though I mostly feel like I'm done

Up

Cause there is too much to say
About not doing enough
And I get stuck in my head
Restless & rough

Up

Cause nothing's happening
But something's coming

What It Wasn't

I caught up with a work friend recently, in the midst of the hurricane that is the business I'm in. I asked her how things were, to which she replied, "Eh, it is what it is, it is what it isn't."

What a great way to sum up 2016. Think about it.

It was fun, it was heartbreaking, it was suspenseful, it was terribly disappointing, it was hot, it was cold, and all in all, it went way too fast and took a lot of people with it.

I myself am starting this year with new employment uncertainty; that is, my time is up where I currently am (again, this crazy business). I don't really know how to feel about it. I'm not quite leaning in any one direction of emotions; though obviously I literally cannot afford to be without work for too long, I have a cautious optimism that I will end up finding work - or it will find me, God willing.

I've been told that the "good ones" are sought out and snatched up pretty quickly - this rings completely true based on my recent history, in which I unknowingly turned down a potential long-term opportunity to work with someone I had worked with in the past. Still regretting that one, but not kicking myself over it. I was told not to. "Where one door closes", right?

All in all, 2016 was good to me. At this very moment, I'm thankful for all of it. I don't have a whole lot to complain about. And what I do, I'm working to change. I love my wife, my furry little boy, I love my family, my friends, and I'm going to continue to pursue those dreams of mine, of ours. I'll continue to pray, and give effort toward everything I do. I will continue to be just as grateful in bad times, as I am in good times. I'll continue to post randomly timed/themed blogs about nothing/everything. I'll continue to make music. I'll continue to make 2017 everything it is, and everything it isn't.

I pray that you do the same.

Parallels

A couple of days ago, I had somewhat of an eye opening experience. I had a conversation with someone who's been working very hard to achieve his goals, and has recently came upon some very good success in his pursuits. He has a similarity to me in terms of what he's done, and is doing now. Only he works much harder. That's still a work in progress for me (DUH to you if you've paid any attention to these blurbs for the past few years).
It's strange how God puts people in other people's lives. We're two people with what I'd assume to be very different lifestyles, yet we share a handful of similarities in terms of our age, our talents, and our goals. I don't necessarily know if our exchanges will lead us anywhere other than where we are now. It's not the type of thing I expect to happen, but who knows. His honesty was very refreshing; and the fact that he's taking his success in such an amazed and humble way is inspiring. You can tell the guy cares. I'd like to think I'd be the same if ever I reached that level. In some strange way, I vicariously experienced through him what it's like when you start to become well known for your talents. That thing that I've become unafraid to tell people, but that I feel most people don't entirely take seriously if it's not their cup of tea.
Having gone back and forth for a while, he'd made a realization about us and said "So it's like we're both learning about this new thing at the same time." He's right. Little does he know the motivation he's giving me.

Rant 11.17.16

When I hear about the true struggles going on in other parts of the world; quarters of millions of people in need of serious medical attention, who are unable to receive said attention due to airstrikes & warfare in their region, things of this nature, it's like, what the hell are we complaining about?
Trump? Yeah, Trump happened. Pretty crazy. Most likely irrevocable till 2020. But it happened. So now we move on, and we do what we can, with faith and effort. Plain & simple. My opinion of course. I know about as much of politics as I do quantum physics. I only do my best to attempt to approach things on a human level.
Glenn shouldn't have been killed. But they killed him. Even though they made it look like he died last season and made us wait several episodes to find out he was alive after all only to be killed after all after all. The fuff. That being said, I'm looking forward to whatever Steven Yeun moves onto next. I vote for a stand up special on Netflix. He'd kill. Tee-hee. Nuff respect to Michael Cudlitz. Also sad to see Abraham go. Just isn't the same without his badassery & humor. But let's give it up for Jeffrey Dean Morgan. If you thoroughly feel hate in your heart every time Negan creeps his way into the shot, then he's doing his job. Bravo to you, good sir.
Normally, this is the part when I say that I'm going to finally start doing something career wise, but this will be my only mention of it. I've never stopped writing. That's important. I know I have way too many interests. I try to hone in to one particular field, but Hell. If Chris Jericho can do 25 things, why can't Chris Cintron do at least like 12?
No more doubt in my abilities. I see way too many out there doing a whole lot more with a whole lot less. No excuses. And I do want to thank the shit talkers, the naysayers, the doubters, the haters, the skeptics, the jealous, the envious, the miserable, the faithless, the loveless, the empty. You fuel me in ways that only I can fully appreciate.
I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm married, I live in my own little world with my Wife & my Son. And so what will happen when it happens, will happen.
I'm very sorry to the ones I seemingly have no time for. Sometimes I wonder why you become so angry toward me. But if I think about it, it must be because you truly care about me and value spending time with me. And for that I am deeply thankful to have you in my life. I'm trying to get together more, I promise. One thing at a time.
Next one will have more structure.




If I feel like it.