Invincible

I've been an Em fan for years. Don't think I'm full Stan; but I'm a fan. Love him or hate him, there's nobody like him. There will never be another like him. He's among the greats. He's arguably the GOAT. I'm not here to dispute nor confirm that. "Kamikaze" kills. Aside from his God given ability with a pen & a mic, I relate to his story on several levels. I'd love to meet him. In a parallel universe; one where I'm doing all my shit and getting shit done, I'd love to work with him.
That said, I'm pretty vested in the beef between him & MGK. It's something that, dare I say, is refreshing in hip-hop culture right now, especially given it's climate (or lack thereof imho).
I know little about Kelly. Rather; I know much less about Kelly than I would think I know about Em. I know he's been around for some time, I've known he was a Father since before the hook in 'Devil'; when he Co hosted an episode of Catfish & mentioned it, I know he's been on Wild'n Out, and I know he's a wrestling fan. That's when I first heard of him. "Invincible". A number of WrestleManias back (WM28), this was the big song for the event. I actually attended in Miami with my family.
It was also a big song for me personally. It came at a pivotal time in my life; where I wasn't too sure what was going to happen next. I just lost my job, I was going through a breakup, and I had practically nothing to my name (see *here* for more on how that turned out). This song was the track that kept me going at the time. It motivated me to not stop. I didn't know what direction I was running in, but I knew I was going to keep running, and keep having faith in God's plan for me. The power of music is entirely undeniable. It's why I love & hate it so. And the one at the time who was providing the soundtrack to my struggle, was MGK. Nobody can be Marshall but Marshall. But Colson Baker's talent as a musician as a whole? Cannot & should not be denied, and it shows in songs like "Invincible".
But back to the beef. Or maybe; not back to the beef, but to the two men who are involved in said beef. Maybe it's all a setup. Maybe it's not. Maybe these two have more in common personally than they do professionally. And maybe from there, something wonderful can happen. Maybe they can get together and actually "talk about it".

Death To The Bully

Death to the archaic mindset of the bully. Specifically, the boss bully.
The entitled bully.
The moody bully.
The one who others have decided to fear when they're having a bad day.
Tiptoe around them.
Don't be happy.
Be as miserable as they are.
Because you're not allowed to be happy if their not.
Misery loves the company of your misery.
Death to this.
A swift, nigh painless death.
We've agonized enough with you.

Internal Conversation

What are the doers doing that I'm not?

(They're "doing".)

I'm "doing"!

(You're not "doing" enough.)

I mean considering...

(Right.)

I made that new song!

(Have you released it?)

No...

(And why not?)

Because. It's not enough.

(Why's it not enough?)

It's been years. I don't want to just put a single song out there with nothing else to follow it up. I don't want to stay in seclusion for another extended period of time.

(You're already in seclusion. You've been in seclusion.)

Kinda. But not entirely.

(Musically, you have.)

...

(...)

What!

(Put it out. Just do it.)

Thanks, Shia.

(You're welcome.)

One Song

It's been on the shelf in my head for years, more than I had initially even thought. It was just after I was done with the band. A riff that never left me. A story about watching someone slowly lose who they are. Dark stuff. Can't help it. It's always been my strong suit. But it's catchy. It's dramatic. It's sad. But it's got energy. It's got a rhythm. It's me at my best so far. It's my most fleshed out work. Which is why it's always been the one I was going to work on next.
It cost me a lot. It's going to cost more. I want something to accompany it. Visuals to the story. Same as what I pictured before. It was always the plan. It marks both something important, and something important for me. The end of the hiatus. The start of the momentum shift. The thing everyone thought I gave up on. One of the only things that truly grabs hold of my attention. An obsession that matters. The gift I've been given. The something I want to share. The things I have to say. The need to do more. My piece. My personal deadline is November. Now, I pray.

"'Cause It's a Long Life. And Then It Isn't."

A line that stuck with me from this past season's Walking Dead, spoken (ironically enough) from a character named Jesus. 

I can't tell if this year has seen more death statistically than others. I just know that it damn sure seems a helluva lot more prominent. More intentional. More tragic. Today started with a massive fire, followed by a shooting. Correction: two shootings. It's starting to feel "normal". 

There's a numbness to the whole thing. There's always sympathy; followed by disappointment, then anger, then it's "move on". But there's also a sense of guilt. Then uncertainty. Then fear. "Why am I still here?" "Why are my loved ones?" "When will my time be up?" "Will it be during a tragedy like this?" 

But let's face it; until it happens to you, it hasn't really happened to you. I can only empathize & pray for those who've been affected directly. That, and not be part of the problem. In that realization, I'm doing less talking and putting forth more effort. It's probably why I haven't posted in a while. 

I've had to cut off more people. I'm finding my time to be more and more precious to me as I get older; meaning I refuse to spend it on those who refuse to mature. When I say that, I don't mean to have four hour conversations about politics. I mean socially, behaviourally, mature. I'm a giant child. Still plenty of room for improvement here. But I'd like to think that I know how to handle myself in most "standard" (and perhaps even many "non-standard") life situations. I can't tolerate jealousy. I can't make time for those who only focus on the negative. I've reached my limit with people who are a continual disappointment; a victim of their own self induced circumstance. People who question why I pursue the goals that I do, because they've given up on their own. Most prominently, I find myself having to withdraw from those who only really make time for me when it's convenient to them. I'm not about keeping tabs, but I've stuck my neck out & gone above and beyond for a few people who weren't there when I needed them. Maybe I've been ignoring the obvious and just chose to continue to give & work my time around theirs. Or maybe those truly close to me have pointed it out to me to the point where it's now unavoidably clear. Part of me wants to address the issue directly, but I feel that would do more harm than good. Perhaps in my absence they'll finally get the idea.

Cintron Foodie Review: Dō

Check my first foodie review for the currently crazed Dō in NY here!

Up

Cause nothing's happening
But something's coming

Up

Cause my insides bother
Cause my mind cannot rest

And my soul is redeemed
But my body does not care
Because my eyes have hunger
But my cupboard's bare

Cause people keep making mistakes
And I keep trying to help
When the reality of it all is
I should really just be helping myself

Up

Cause there's a million steps to take
And I've not taken one

Up

Cause I am only getting started
Though I mostly feel like I'm done

Up

Cause there is too much to say
About not doing enough
And I get stuck in my head
Restless & rough

Up

Cause nothing's happening
But something's coming